Raw, Open & Vulnerable

For the first few minutes when I wake up I forget. I forget that we're in lockdown. I forget that all around screens have gone up to 'protect' us from each other, that we have to stay 2 metres apart and our movements are prohibited.


Then it hits me and my heart sinks.


My mind starts it's familiar story of "How much longer?" "Can I do this?" "Will I come out of this still believing in my dreams or will I fold and recoil and submit?" "How much longer will society manage without our basic need and desire for community?" "Will we come out of this with more kindness and compassion to each other or will fear and animosity make us more separated than ever before?" I recognise these stories, they feel part of me now, it feels so long since all this started.


Then I remember. I remember who I am and what I came here to do. I remember my gifts and the methods I teach others. I remember the hardships I experienced in my past and how I overcame them, stronger and more resilient than ever. I have always been grateful for every lesson life has given me, being able to see it as a gift and not a hurdle and I'm not about to let this one be any different.


So I do my breath work, I practice my bed yoga and I sit and I meditate. I connect with my heart for what seems like 2 seconds or sometimes an eternity and for that moment, in that moment, all is well. All is better than well, I feel free, I feel joy, deep unadulterated joy deep in my heart. I connect to my vision, my desires and I feel into how I feel in the future and it feels amazing. It feels so real I know, without a doubt that this is my future. I feel hope for all of us.


As I get up and go about my day I release all expectation, I exist as if it is already here and somehow, incredibly, I get through my day. It's not always roses and sunshine but I am alive. I am breathing. I am loved. And so I continue...



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Harrogate, North Yorkshire

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