Putting yourself first is as important as… brushing your teeth every day.
Right now I bet you spend every waking moment on social media trying to find the next best thing that will 'fix’ your emptiness, only to end up feeling even worse than you did before, because now you have a serious case of FOMO too.
I was catching up with a previous client the other day when she suddenly said how good it felt when she finally gave herself permission to be selfish. In her previous life as a wife and mother she devoted her entire time to her family and their needs and wants, without ever asking herself what it was she wanted. Now, she loved her family deeply, don’t get me wrong but by continually giving, giving, giving she completely depleted her energy reserves, began to resent being the only one doing all the chores and most saddening of all, felt completely unattractive and unloved. This led to arguments and tension around the house and unfortunately a temporary break down of her marriage.
It was after a few sessions of working with me that she began to see the benefit of putting herself first. As soon as she gave herself permission to take time out of her day just for her, she began to feel calmer. At first she felt like a naughty school girl, kissing behind the bike sheds, scared someone would find out and tell her off, but it felt good! It felt so good that she continued doing it and more often too! She started to smile more and laugh more. Her friends wanted to know what she was doing to look so alive and glowing!
Now most people will tell you that you can’t have what you want, that you should be happy with what you have, and I’m not talking material objects here, I’m talking family, friends, job etc. but what if you have all of that and you’re NOT happy? You’re ungrateful, selfish, disillusioned, living in the clouds right?? WRONG!! Just because you’ve followed the formula laid out by society that ‘means you’ve made it’ does not mean you are guaranteed happiness.
We all fall into the trap that a good education, a good job, a husband and a family is the path to follow and will ultimately mean success and happiness ever after, and for some, it does and I am truly happy for them, but what if it doesn’t? What if you followed that path and you’re desperately unhappy? It’s not your fault. We all make choices we regret, we all make choices based on the decisions of other well-meaning friends or family, it’s just up to you to choose what you do about it now.
Some women refuse to believe that they are responsible for their current situation and that they are capable of doing anything about it. They complain a lot. They’re angry and resentful and all they want is someone else to ‘fix’ their problems and do the work for them. They’ll find any and all excuses to move forward and henceforth will always be stuck.
Whereas, others are desperate to quit the quick fixes, to stop the ‘cheer me up’ shopping sprees, quit the comparison game, cancelling on friends at the last minute or drowning their sorrows in a bottle of wine. They’ll do whatever it takes to know how to stop that feeling of emptiness. What did they do? Well that’s a story for another day :-)